A reader commented on a recent column I had written about music. “Dude, you are living in the past!” I couldn’t agree more.
I’m old enough to remember when we Baby Boomers were young and hip. I long for the days when life was simpler, in so many ways.
Remember when our government leaders, most of them anyway, tried to set a good example? I feel bad for teachers who attempt to discipline a student for foul language, name-calling, or other rude displays. After all, we see this behavior every day in the White House, Congress, and state legislatures. Why can’t we do it in school?
I miss the days when we didn’t know the political preferences of our neighbors, our co-workers, and our distant relatives. Even better, we didn’t care!
But most of all, I miss the simplicity of the low-tech age.
Note to young readers: not that long ago, everything we saw on TV was free. Sure, we didn’t have many choices, but we didn’t know we needed them. Therefore, we were happy. Now we are paying for oodles of channels and streaming services, most of which we never watch. And if, for some reason, we can’t find a certain movie, we are irate.
(One recent Sunday, our flailing Atlanta Braves were not on their usual channel, and a Facebook friend flipped out. Another Braves fan chimed in, “Don’t complain. They’re doing us all a favor!” Good point.)
It is hard enough to navigate the various options we have already. Do you want to watch the critically acclaimed series, “The Bear?” You can, if you subscribe to Hulu. But Hulu was recently scooped up by Disney, so now you must bundle the two, along with ESPN+, because as we all know, the existing 47 ESPN channels are simply not enough. There may be a new sport featuring beagles pushing a domino across the finish line with their snouts, and that is not included in my current channel lineup.
And who could resist the 3-month trial period for $4.99 a month, after which they quietly shift you to the regular fee of $24.95 plus taxes and fees. Sure, you could cancel, if you can get through to customer service and plead your case. “Sorry, all of our agents are busy now, but if you stay on the line until a week from Thursday, you could hear this message 51,343 times. And don’t forget to participate in a brief survey at the end of your transaction, because your call is very important to us. Wait. Our menu has changed. You are not that important to us after all. Goodbye!”
If you are among the lucky few who get past the first hurdle, there are more hoops you must jump through. “Would you like to sign in on your phone?” Sure, why not. “We have sent you a temporary code. Check your messages, and enter the code.”
The six-digit code is simple enough. But then, it gets hairy.
“In order for you to set up a password, please enter this temporary password: E7tW81#0Ok938?fqz4.” It usually takes me about 3 tries to get it right, followed by, “For security purposes, please re-enter your temporary password.” It would be easier to obtain Putin’s nuclear code.
Oh, but they’re just getting started. “To prove you’re not a robot, please check each photo in this grid that includes a bicycle.” I squint my eyes. Is that a bicycle or a motorcycle? There’s part of a bicycle tire in the lower right-hand box, does that count? I see handlebars in the upper left. Do I check that?
Finally, you must create your own password. After your first failed attempt, you are told, “Each password must include between 12–20 characters, a combination of capital and lower-case letters, 4 numbers, 3 exclamation points, 2 Egyptian hieroglyph symbols, and the word bumfuzzle.”
Finally, your security question: “What was your great-great-grandmother’s maiden name, and how many cats did she have?”
By that time, I tell them, “You know what, I AM a robot. And my password is YouAreNotGettingMyMoney. I’ll just put it in the bank.” Now where did I put my account number?
David Carroll is a Chattanooga news anchor, and his latest book is “I Won’t Be Your Escape Goat,” available from his website, ChattanoogaRadioTV.com. You may contact him at 900 Whitehall Rd, Chattanooga, TN 37405, or at RadioTV2020@yahoo.com.
