Dear President Washington: You don't know me, but you're one of my heroes. I used to keep lots of pictures of you in my wallet, but things got so expensive that I had to use most of them at the grocery store.

Anyway, I thought I'd write to tell you about the big mess we're in right now. You always were a smart and courageous leader, and I was hoping you could pop back for a few days and give Congress and our current president some advice. They don't seem to have much experience with thinking and courage and good ideas and things like that.

The country you helped start is flat broke. We spent a huge chunk of our savings on wars, and we gave away a boatload of money to people who hate us. And I think we used a lot of money to fund really important studies like, "Can aluminum siding withstand a nuclear bomb?" There's aluminum siding everywhere in our country, so I'm pretty sure someone asked for that study. Personally, I think nuclear bombs are stronger, but I'm not telling Congress since they didn't pay me to study it.

Anyway, we're all out of money and we had to borrow a bunch from China. I know that sounds funny, but China is a superpower now. Get this. We have over 14 trillion dollars of debt. Wow! What a number! Congress isn't too good with money, but I guess it's not their fault. As soon as they get any, they spend it or give it away. Maybe we should make our money out of used aluminum siding. I bet politicians would study the value of a dollar then, if they could get a government grant.

Anyway, we sure could use some of your sane advice right now. A trillion is such a big number - it has 12 zeroes. And don't get me started on all the zeroes holding office in Washington, D.C. By the way... about that town... we meant well when we named it after you. Sorry about the way it's turned out. Just call it D.C. like I do. It's less painful that way.

David McCoy, a notorious storyteller and proud Yellow Jacket, lives in Conyers and can be reached at davmccoy@bellsouth.net