I hear way too many lies about southern men, and I'd like to clear up some of the bigger ones before they do any more damage to our collective reputation. As a native southerner, I know what's true and what's just a load of horse manure scooped up by folks to make us look silly. I figure that if I don't do my part to clear up all these lies, then I'm just as guilty as the ones spreading them around.

Let's start with the easiest one to disprove: "All southern men drive Chevy pickup trucks with gun racks in the back window." You know this can't be true. Ford and Dodge sell a boatload of trucks in the South, and you've got all those Nissans and Toyotas, too. So, we can just dismiss this lie right now. Go to the nearest bait-and-tackle shop and look around in the parking lot. You'll find trucks of every make and model over there, and you'll find a gun rack in almost every one. Who makes up these false stories? Don't they even bother to check out the latest truck sales figures?

Here's another lie I can shoot down: "Southern men play banjos on their front porches." First of all, a few southerners don't even own banjos, but that's so rare we'll let the liars have that one on a technicality. Besides, this lie is easy to refute. I recently inherited a nice banjo, so I was able to give my old one to my son. So that's two banjos, we're both learning to play, but neither of us has a front porch. I think that puts that little lie in its proper place. But, truth be told, there's nothing sweeter than practicing your fancy banjo picking on a warm Spring evening. It seems a waste to have to do that indoors where the neighbors can't hear you.

The last lie is the biggest whopper of all: "Southern men can't express real emotions." Whoever made this one up hasn't ever seen us at Grant Field when Tech and UGA were playing, or caught us at a big sale on Craftsman tools down at Sears. You take a southern man with you on one of these adventures, and he'll be overwhelmed with joy. He might even start crying, especially if he hears a nice Earl Scruggs banjo tune coming in on your truck radio.

David McCoy, a notorious storyteller and proud Yellow Jacket, lives in Conyers and can be reached at davmccoy@bellsouth.net