Long ago, I was a math nerd, competing in high school competitions and taking every mathematics class the school had to offer. Part of my passion for math was because I had excellent teachers who helped me find a love for trig, geometry and algebra. I even loved calculus for a while, but freshman year at Georgia Tech soured that little relationship. Even so, I loved math - well, most math - and I was pretty good at it. But something happened to me in my 30s. Now, I can barely tolerate math, and I’m getting lousy with numbers in general. It’s a shame, but I know exactly what happened: My kids did it to me.

Sure, blame the kids, right? Yes! Kids cause you to hate math. See if this sounds familiar: “Now son, I’m going to count to FIVE and you’d better be on your way to the bathtub. One... two.... Are you LISTENING to me? Three... I’m NOT JOKING! FOUR... Get up OFF that COUCH and GET in THE TUB, NOW! FOUR-AND-A-HALF! Are you - GET UP NOW! FOUR-AND-THREE-QUARTERS. Oh, you don’t want me to get to FIVE. TRUST ME! FOUR-AND-SEVEN-EIGHTS! Are you IN? WHAT!!! FOUR-AND-FIFTEEN-SIXTEENTHS! That does it! I’m going to count to TEN, and YOU’D BETTER NOT PUSH ME! One...”
 
If the kids aren’t ruining your love for counting, they’re teaching you to hate addition and subtraction: “What? You want MORE money? I already gave you your allowance EARLY last week, and you owe me five bucks for that new book. WHAT? Mom borrowed how much? 40 bucks? Where did you get 40 bucks? Nevermind... So, I owe you 40 dollars, minus five for the book. What’s that? Oh, yeah. I do remember about the milk. How much did I borrow from you? 20? Really? So, I owe you... what Mom borrowed plus - no wait - minus the book, plus what I borrowed. I owe you 55 dollars? Hmmm... ”

Parents, there’s nothing you can do about this. When you’ve been forced to use your basic counting skills as a weapon, and when you lose 55 dollars each time you add and subtract around your kids, you learn that math just isn’t that much fun any more. That’s a terrible lesson to learn. It’s almost as painful as learning calculus. Almost.

David McCoy, a notorious storyteller and proud Yellow Jacket, lives in Conyers and can be reached at davmccoy@bellsouth.net