If things couldn’t get worse in Washington, it turns out that U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is spying on members of Congress with police disguised as bowls of cold Spanish soup. That chilling news comes from none other than Georgia  Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene.

In an interview on One America News, Greene referred to the Capitol police as “Nancy Pelosi’s gazpacho police.”  I can’t be totally sure but there is a good chance that she may have been referring to the Gestapo, which isn’t a cold Spanish soup but was Adolf Hitler’s secret police force.

Madame Greene Bean probably thinks that when the Germans invaded France the Gazpacho helped establish the Vichyssoise French government which controlled that country until the Allies invaded and managed to turnip things around.

There is no predicting what sprouts from her mouth. For example, Greene claims the October 2017 mass shooting in Las Vegas that killed 60 people and wounded 411 may have been part of a clever plot to get Republicans to consent to give up their guns. There is more to her conspiracy theory, but I will asparagus the details.

A couple of years ago, she posited that the California wildfires were started from a laser that was beamed from a satellite in outer space and funded by wealthy Jews in order to clear space for a high-speed rail project in which they had a financial interest. Wouldn’t a kitchen match have worked just as well? And it would have been a lot cheaper.

Speaking of outer space, I think Marjorie Taylor Greene is definitely a candidate  to become our newest Ambassador to Outer Space, replacing former Democratic Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney, the leftwing looney whose claim to fame was wet-kissing presidents on television as they headed down the aisle to deliver their State of the Union address, accusing the Bush Administration of having had some role in the 9/11 attacks and slapping a Capitol Police officer who asked her for identification. (“How dare you, you bowl of cold Spanish soup!”)

At this point, I feel I need to inject some theology into this discussion. I want to thank God for creating characters like Marjorie Taylor Greene and Cynthia McKinney so I will always have something to write about and not have to go find a real job.

To quote my friend, William Shakespeare, Greene is full of sound and fury and that’s about the size of it. In Washington, she sits on no congressional committees in Congress. None. She was booted off before she had even located the ladies’ room because of her off-the-wall rants. That is important because it is in the congressional committees where bills are introduced, debated and, if approved, passed along to the full Senate and House for a vote.

It is where we expect our duly-elected members of Congress to represent our interests. To cite some examples, Rep. Buddy Carter, of Georgia’s 1st Congressional District, sits on both the House Budget Committee and the Committee on Energy and Commerce. Eighth District Congressman Austin Scott is a member of both the Agriculture and Armed Services Committees. Rep. Rick Allen, who represents the 12th Congressional District, serves on the Agriculture and House Education and Welfare Committees. All three are Republicans with rock-solid conservative credentials and all three have input and influence into critical legislation that impacts our state.

Sadly, the losers in this process are her constituents in Georgia’s 14th Congressional District. Marjorie Taylor Greene has no influence in the legislative process. Since coming to Congress, she has proposed nine bills. None became law. She offered up seven resolutions. None were approved by the House. How does that kind of performance benefit her district? Answer: It doesn’t.

Clearly, none of this seems to faze her fanatical followers. Greene reportedly has raised over $6 million for her 2022 reelection campaign. In fact, she’s the fourth highest overall House Republican fundraiser. There is no question that her loyal followers love the smack talk and the over-the-edge screeches even if she can’t pass gas.

If Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene is reading this, thank you for exposing the cold Spanish soup plot. I know I will sleep better tonight. But please remain vigilant. That crowd in Washington could be trying to sneak broccoli into our water supply. Oh, by the way, is there any chance I could get you to lower the rhetoric a bit? If so, let me commend to you that great old hymn: Let there be peas in the valley.

Georgia native Dick Yarbrough is an award-winning columnist.