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Too bad we can't return government
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The U.S. government has stopped working, and that really ticks me off.

If my car stopped working, I’d be angry and frustrated, so it’s no surprise that finding an entire government on the fritz would be the epitome of annoyance.

If my car stopped working, I’d probably borrow a ride from a friend, or go to a rental company for a temporary replacement.

But where can we borrow an entire working government? Is there a rental agency anywhere that deals in temporary legislatures? "Welcome to Rent-A-Congress! We offer late-model senators and representatives at special low rates."

No, that’s silly.

Maybe we could borrow Cuba’s government. Cuba isn’t really our friend, but it is close by, and it does have a government. It’s a little government, and it doesn’t hold to the same values as our government, but at least it works. At this point, I’m not so sure our elected officials’ values are worth preserving.

If my car stopped working, I might return it to the dealer for a refund under the Lemon Law. Can we return our government under a similar law? It is a lemon of a government.

I bet if we tried to return it to the founding fathers, they’d say, "What is this thing? We don’t recognize it at all. You know the guarantee is void if you ‘tamper with or modify’ a product, don’t you?"

So, I guess that option is out. We’ve certainly tampered with the government of old. We’ve modified it so much that it’s almost unrecognizable. But instead of hot-rodding it, or souping it up, we’ve just made a mess.

I suppose we could try to fix it, but I don’t know how many parts are broken.

The House has lots of loose nuts, the Senate is making a grinding noise, and the Oval Office is rattling like a box full of broken glass. Pep Boys doesn’t carry replacement parts for broken governments, although I wish it would. I guess the only thing we can do is the same thing I do when an appliance stops working: I never use that brand again.

The major brands here are Republican, Democrat, Independent, Tea Party, Senator, Representative, President, Speaker, Majority, Minority, and so on.

I’m going to remember that those brands aren’t reliable, and never trust them again. I suggest you do the same.

David McCoy, a notorious storyteller and proud Yellow Jacket, lives in Covington. He can be reached at