Week 1 of Southeastern Conference football is in the books. I'm not sure what actual books Week 1 is in, but I'm confident that the games played last week are, in fact, in some books somewhere. If you find the books, please let me know. I'd like to take a gander at them.
Let's look back at the week that was and ahead to Week 2, SEC Banter style.
Georgia Running Backs On My Mind: Good grief, did you see those Jawgia running backs tote the rock on Saturday? Todd Gurley cemented his status as college football's best player and leading Heisman Trophy contender. Then you've got the thunder-and-lightning package of freshmen Nick Chubb, whom I would not attempt to tackle for $25,000, and Sony Michel, the young speedster from Florida.
The SEC home office may have to seriously consider allowing opposing defenses to line up against Georgia with 22 players just to keep things fair.
Texas A&M Embarrasses the Old Ball Coach: The only people more upset than Steve Spurrier after Texas A&M's beatdown of Sakerlina are Cleveland Brown execs, who now must wonder whether Johnny Football is nothing more than a product of Kevin Sumlin's system. Them and all SEC West teams, who were hoping A&M's post-Johnny hangover would last an entire season.
We'll find out if the Aggies are that good or the Gamecocks' D is that bad next week when Georgia travels to Columbia.
Bama Looks Un-Bama-Like: The No. 2 team in the land looked un-Bama-like and especially un-Saban-like in its 33-23 win over West Virginia. West Virginia almost caught Alabama at low tide but played too much like West Virginia to pull off the upset.
Bama has plenty of time to fine tune things before its first real game of the season at LSU on November 8.
Les Miles Achieves the Impossible: No, I don't mean another Leslie Edwin Miles 4th-quarter comeback. That's routine for the Mad Hatter. The guy has a winning record when his team enters the fourth quarter losing!
I'm talking about LSU being penalized for delay of game on the second half opening kickoff. I did not know this was even possible. Don't the refs just hand the ball to the kicking team and the second half starts when toe meets leather?
Not with Miles. Penalty. Delay of game. Before the second half started.
Florida Remains Undefeated: If the college football weather gods conspire to postpone every Florida game this year, the Gators would be undefeated. And if they're undefeated, I honestly don't think there's any chance Will Muschamp gets canned in that situation.
Looking ahead to week two, as exciting as week one was (anyone find those books yet?), week two promises, unfortunately, to be a total dud.
The only league game is No. 18 Ole Miss at Vanderbilt. Vandy anchored itself down to rock bottom in a 30-point loss to Temple last week. In other words, this matchup is a snoozer.
The following out-of-conference teams play SEC progams this Saturday: Arkansas State, Toledo, Florida Atlantic, UAB, Ohio, Eastern Michigan, Nicholls State, Eastern Carolina, San Jose State, Lamar, and Sam Houston State.
It's not worth mentioning which SEC schools play these teams because, as the ancient Chinese proverb from Confucius teaches us, WHO CARES?
If a team has a direction in its name - eastern, western, outer galaxy - it's a snoozer. If a team has the word "state" in its name without one of the fifty United States preceding it, it's a snoozer.
Example: Mississippi State, good. Nicholls State, snoozer. Michigan State, good. A rather obscure historical figure (hello, Sam Houston) State, snoozer.
SEC Banter has some advice for you fellows out there. Tell your wife/girlfriend that this Saturday is the best college football day of the season. Sure, she put up with you watching 12 straight hours of football last Saturday or starting your tailgate at 7 a.m. for a 5:30 p.m. kickoff, but she'll like where you're going with this.
Tell her you'd rather spend time with her than watch more college football. Do some chores around the house. Change that light bulb over the garage that's been out since December. Run some Saturday errands. Take her to Captain D's for a little catfish dinner.
Of course, you couldn't pull it off. Maybe the Captain D's part, but not the rest.
Women raised in Dixie are raised on SEC football. They know the schedule up, down and sideways and we can't convince them this Saturday is worth a darn. Plus, nowadays they've got those "smart phones" what with the "world wide web" and whatnot, and they can access information instantaneously. Scary, really.
Speaking of Captain D's, I'm hungry. Captain D's site on the world wide web (also known as the "Internet") says its restaurants have "a coastal ambiance and welcoming atmosphere that transport you to your favorite beachside destination as soon as you walk through our doors."
Sure sounds better than Lamar at Texas A&M!