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McCoy: A jaded guide to the presidential election
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To cope with the insanity of modern U.S. presidential elections, I've adopted a jaded strategy that I'll share with you. My opinion is harsh, but I'm calling it as I see it.

It's just a big sporting event - America loves team sports, and we've made the presidential election our new "national pastime." We wear team colors, we hoot and holler, and we call the other side all kinds of names.

If we could round up a bunch of guys to sell beer and hot dogs, we could fill a stadium full of Democrats and Republicans all foaming at the mouth for another political touchdown, praying for someone to sack the other guy behind his own line of scrimmage. Go team! This mindless view of the election as a big game has turned us into a country of teams, lines, penalties and yards gained as we lose the spirit of political cooperation and a unified nation.

Neither side has the answers - imagine two dogs discussing how to perform open heart surgery. Go on, pretend they're talking dogs and they're wearing lab coats. Would you let either of them operate on you? No, you wouldn't. So why do you trust political operatives telling you they know how to fix the economy? Pretend the presidential candidates are wearing lab coats. It's not going to make it any better. We do ourselves a disservice by pretending that the election is about selecting the one, true savior of the country; the one who has the golden plan and the magic beans. There are no saviors seeking office and there are no magic beans. We just have talking dogs in lab coats and they don't have a clue about performing the operation this country needs to stay alive. But they tell you they do.

The honeymoon won't last - A few months after the election, the majority of America will hate the one we elect; that's the reality. We'll start talking about the next election, when our team gets another chance to field its hero, when our talking dog gets to wear his lab coat and tell us how he'll fix the world, when we can get "the bum" out of office. We're a fickle country. We might even change team allegiances, or root for some off-brand, underdog team outside the traditional league. That'll show 'em! Yeah. Now, gimme another beer, and show me some defense! Go team! We've got an election to win!

David McCoy, a notorious storyteller and proud Yellow Jacket, lives in Covington and can be reached at