Dear Brooklyn Kate,
It’s me, your Fun Aunt Jackie. You know, the one who taught you how to sneak out your bedroom window so your mom wouldn’t hear?
I can vividly remember the day your mom – my sister – told me about you. I had traveled down to the Greatest University in America – Georgia Southern, of course – for the first football game of the season. Your mom could not sit still. You probably know this about her, but she is absolutely terrible at surprises. Finally, my parents arrived and it was time for the big announcement. Everyone was so in love with you and we didn’t even know you yet.
See, you have some fantastic parents. I’m sure your mom can be a little strict sometimes. I know that because she was strict on me when we were growing up. I’ll show you some tricks to get around it, don’t worry. And I’m sure you’ve been embarrassed by your dad because he was yelling at the tv (for some outrageous call against Georgia Southern, I’m sure) when you had friends over – I can just see it now. Don’t worry, I’ve got some stories I can tell that would embarrass him too!
So, welcome to the world! Let me catch you up on some of the things you need to know to fit in with this family:
1. No matter what anyone says, Georgia Southern University is the greatest place on the face of this planet. That is an undisputed fact. To go along with that, you do not wear red and you most definitely don’t wear red with a misshapen “G” plastered anywhere on it. It is a fashion faux pas that I would be happy to explain to you whenever you’d like.
2. You need to thank your daddy daily that your last name is “Ellis.” Trust me, that is a lot easier than the nonsense your mother and I grew up with.
That being said, the Gutknecht name holds a lot of weight to it as well. You will never get to meet your Great-Grandpa or Great-Grandma Gutknecht, but I’m sure my dad wouldn’t mind sharing some stories with you, and if he asks you to go get a beer out of the fridge for him, just do it. It’s a rite of passage in this family.
3. I’m sure you’ve heard the story of how your grandparents met more than 100 times by now, but no matter what he says, my mom did not stalk my dad. I wasn’t there, but I can almost guarantee it didn’t happen that way.
I think you’ll fit in just fine in this crazy family of ours. If you ever feel discouraged or like you’re falling off track, call me. No matter what, I will be here for you.
Fun Aunt Jackie
Jackie Gutknecht is the editor and publisher of The Covington News. She can be reached at email@example.com or 770-728-1409. Twitter: @jackieg1991