Have you noticed how some things just naturally go together? Take honey and biscuits, for example. Whenever I visit one of those “breakfast anytime” restaurants, I make a pig of myself with their biscuits, and I make sure to have plenty of honey to spread on them. Life offers up so many wonderful pairings: salt and pepper, peanut butter and jelly, grits and butter, and too many others to list. Life seems better when it’s done in pairs. 

Well, it’s not just food that pairs up so nicely. When we go shopping, we often get free “samples” paired with other items. You can buy shaving cream and get a free razor, or you can get a free stain remover stick with some laundry detergents. How many of you remember that you could get dishes and wash cloths in certain soap boxes back in the ‘60s? That was a bit strange, but the ‘60s thrived on “strange.” The more I think about it, the more I like this pairing idea, and I think it ought to extend to other products. 

For instance, if you have teenagers, you know how hard it is to get them up on a school morning. Wouldn’t it be a smart idea for retailers to pair up alarm clocks with those little household safes? No sleepy teen can remember a safe combination at six in the morning, so that’s where you put the alarm clock. You’re sure to wake him up! What a great combination, huh? Get it? “Combination... safe...” Oh, stop wincing! I just paired up a free pun with that sentence to make my point that some things go well together. Just keep reading. 

Back to the premise at hand... I think bathroom scales should be packaged with trash bags. When you step on a new scale and see your actual weight, you’ll probably want to throw all the food in your house into the trash. Well, you’ll need trash bags for that, right? And what if diapers were paired up with air fresheners? And what if you could get a free pair of earplugs with every opera CD your wife bought? And what if every onion came with a free bottle of mouthwash?  Wouldn’t that be a refreshing deal? “Refreshing... Mouthwash...” Get it? It’s a pun included free in that sentence. It’s a pairing... Oh, never mind. You people aren’t ready for this new reality.

David McCoy, a self-proclaimed Southern-Gentleman and Raconteur-in-Training lives in Covington with his family.