When I purchased my $9.50 ticket to watch "You Don't Mess with the Zohan," I really didn't know what to expect.
Being a huge fan of Adam Sandler and the Happy Madison production crew, I felt sure that I would have to hold my sides to keep them from splitting from laughter.
Little did I know that a movie where an ex-Israeli commando turns into a hair dresser could be as bad as it sounded.
Directed by Dennis Dugan from a script written by Judd Apatow, the $90-million-dollar budget film couldn't have tried any harder to get a laugh out of the audience.
I am used to the Happy Madison movies not having to do much to make me laugh, but I believe the directors thought the reputation of the actors and their past movies were going to be enough to bring in revenue.
The less-amusing hair-dressing comedy filled with crude sexual humor, odd homophobic scenes, an over-stuffed plot and badly computer animated action scenes left me feeling a little cheated.
Sure there was some crude bodily function jokes and punch lines directed towards all the problems occurring in the Middle East that made me snicker, but for the most part I left the theater feeling drained in both my brain and wallet.
Zohan, who is an Israeli spy played by Sandler, can dodge bullets by doing "Matrix"-like flips and hold his breathe longer than a submarine, all while sneaking up on terrorists and killing them with his silky smooth hair-designing hands.
One night while lying in his apartment filled with posters of male icons, Zohan flips through a Paul Mitchell styling book as if it were a an adult entertainment magazine, fantasizing about his dreams of becoming the next Paul Mitchell.
Zohan then fakes his death to long-time nemesis and Palestinian terrorist "The Phantom" played by John Turturro ("Transformers") and heads to New York City to pursue his dream.
Dressed in his favorite Mariah Carey T-shirts, Zohan re-names himself "Scrappy Coco" and sets off to find a job.
Being denied at every salon he applies to, because of lack of experience, Zohan goes from being the high man on the totem pole in Israel to the bottom in a small hair salon owned by a beautiful Palestinian woman played by Emmanuelle Chriqui ("Waiting").
Having to start off as a volunteer sweeping up hair for the other stylists, Zohan uses his perseverance and carefree desire for making everyone's hair silky smooth to sex it up with the older customers and becomes the star hair dresser of the shop.
Zohan's past eventually comes back to haunt him as he is spotted by a Palestinian taxi cab driver played by Rob Schneider (Deuce Bigalow).
The hair stylist is forced to put his comb and scissors to action as he battles both the Phantom and Walbridge, a New York business man played by Michael Buffer ("Rocky Balboa") who attempts to tear down the salon and replace it with a 20th century mall.
Not wanting to ruin the ending, I will just say the producers leave you baffled. A tandem duet between The Phantom and Zohan somehow brings all the fighting to an end and peace between everyone.
"You Don't Mess With The Zohan" is so silly and dumb that you are forced to laugh even when you don't want to.
Writers Sandler, Robert Smigel and Judd Apatow take the sensitive subject of Middle Eastern affairs and bring humor to it.
The action/love-story/bad-guy-turned-good film is filled with crazy, very visual and humorous scenes that are supported well by the funny cast.
Although, I am not sure that the few scenes were enough to make a movie about a flamboyant hair dresser good.
I enjoyed the effort and the few kicks and giggles I got out of the movie, but I don't believe this movie will make it into my DVD collection at home.
"You Don't Mess With the Zohan" is rated PG-13 for crude and sexual content throughout, language and nudity.