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Archive By Author - David McCoy


Two letters to George Washington

Dear President Washington: You don't know me, but you're one of my heroes. I used to keep lots of pictures of you in my wallet, but things got so expensive that I had to use most of them at the grocery store. Anyway, I thought I'd write to tell you about the big mess we're in right now. You always were a smart and courageous leader, and I was hoping you could pop back for a few days and give Congress and our current president some advice. They don't seem to have much experience with ...

July 31, 2011 | David McCoy | News Columnists


McCoy: Mistaken memories

Somewhere, in one of your closets or in your basement, do you have a big box of "sentimental" items that you just can't part with? Until last week, I had three big containers of cards, letters, articles, drawings, awards, and all the trappings of a history that I wanted to keep for posterity. And there were more photographs than I could count. I suppose I could have kept the tubs in a closet until I was in a nursing home. "Oh, did you see Mr. McCoy's collection of antique Christmas cards? They are really, really old!" Well, that ...

July 17, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


McCoy: Moving mistakes

When did moving become so difficult? In college, I could pack everything I owned in my little MG and move from dorm to apartment to home with no sweat. Fifteen years later, I packed the barest of necessities in a new Volvo and moved to Tennessee. Well those easy days are gone. We just moved, and it took two huge trucks and more boxes than I could count. We packed, we packed some more, and then we got down to serious packing. It was time consuming to fill all those boxes, but I did learn some new packing tips that ...

July 10, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


Goodbye to an Italian beauty

Maybe it's a general character flaw shared by many, but I hate to get rid of a cherished old car, no matter how much trouble it causes me.

June 19, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


Packing for vacation

I bet you're about to hit the beach for your annual summer vacation! Well, I am too, and I know the secret to a successful trip.

June 12, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


A hard-boiled case when it comes to okra

It's gardening time in Georgia, and some of my friends are sharing pictures of tomatoes, peppers, squash and all the other plants they're growing in their backyards. I love to see all this home gardening, but thankfully, I haven't seen any pictures of okra plants. Before I tell you about my hatred for okra, I'd better explain a bit about the proper pronunciation. It wasn't until I was in college that I learned that the itchy pods that we grew each year were pronounced "OAK-RAH." I grew up saying "OAK-REE," and I'd usually pronounce ...

June 05, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


No discipline to be a disciple

Do you remember the Bible verses about Peter denying Christ three times, or the disciples arguing about seating arrangements up in Heaven, or the time they fell asleep while they should have been praying? How do most good folks react, when they hear about someone who disappointed Jesus? Some of them get high-and-mighty, pretty quickly. "Oh, I wouldn't have let Christ down! No sir! Not me! I'd have marched up to those Roman soldiers, and said, 'You want my savior? Well, you'll have to take me first!' That's what I would have said, praise God!"

May 29, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


How to act crazy and get away with it

It's 2011, and we're being rocked by earthquakes, tornados, financial crises and bloody revolutions in the third world. If there were ever a time to completely lose all of your senses and run around town acting nuts, now is as good a time as any. Just in the past two days, I've seen signs that "crazy" is becoming the new norm. While driving down one of our major roads, I passed a man who was waving his arms and screaming at some invisible antagonist. Later, I walked out of a building and saw another man having an ...

May 18, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


McCoy: Dreams of school nightmarish

I've had enough shocks and scares to script an entire lifetime's worth of nightmares. Once, while walking in the woods, I stumbled upon a coiled snake, just staring at me and daring me to come closer. Another time, I slipped off a log and fell into a creek on an icy February afternoon. Then, there was that one Easter night when a drunk driver slammed into the family Ford Galaxy, right as we were turning into our driveway. Stepping on rattlesnakes, falling in a freezing creek, and being rammed by another car are themes worthy of the worst ...

May 12, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


No firearms needed for this hunt

Ice cream hunting season is almost here. I'm so excited! During winter, all the ice cream migrates down to Miami where it congregates in retired autoworkers' refrigerators until it's safe to return home. Sadly some of the ice cream will never make it to Georgia. If you wonder why that happens, just look at the average retired autoworker's stomach. Mother

April 17, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


The man’s guide to the laundry room

The washer and dryer are two of the biggest and most dangerous machines anyone can own. So, why do most guys avoid the laundry room like they avoid a Tupperware party? I think it's because most men don't see the washer and dryer as "power tools." Well, that's got to change. Our wives would appreciate some help with the laundry, so I'm going to teach you how to operate those gigantic monsters.

November 10, 2010 | David McCoy | Columnists


When preachers turn funny

Life used to be so simple. Preachers delivered fire and brimstone visions of Hades to scare the pants off people, and comedians pulled down their pants to make people laugh like... well, you know. Both sides lived by the rule that preachers don't throw pies and comedians don't do funerals, but that's all over. My own preacher, Dr. John Beyers, is as good a minister as you'll ever meet, but he's got a character flaw that just galls me: He's funny and he makes people laugh. Well, as a humorist, I'm deeply offended ...

October 08, 2010 | David McCoy | Columnists


Time for a cheap watch

Nice watches and I don't get along anymore, and that's just fine with me. No matter how much I'm tempted by their beauty, I'll never again buy an expensive watch. I can't stand to see another "precious timepiece" ruined because of a fried gizmo, jammed cog, or leaky seal. From now on, I'm going to adopt a friend's idea. He goes for "cheap and disposable." My plan - "expensive and disposable" - just wasn't very smart.

September 17, 2010 | David McCoy | Columnists


Cologne by the six pack

I love to smell fine fragrances. Wear chic French perfume around me and I'll sniff the air and try to guess which movie star you're pretending to be. Give me a scratch-and-sniff cologne sample and I'll wear my fingernail down as I scratch up the sweet aroma. But if you apply too much fragrance, I'll turn red and make gagging noises in your direction. I can't help it. I have a sensitive nose, and some people just don't know when to stop spraying, splashing and misting.

September 10, 2010 | David McCoy | Columnists


Murder, mayhem and an old song

Do you ever wonder why children aren't completely insane by the time they're adults?

August 06, 2010 | David McCoy | Columnists


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