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Articles By Author - David McCoy


Tax time follies

By the time you read this, our annual day of taxation will have come and gone, and you'll have already kissed your money bye-bye as you mailed the government your "fair share" of sweat and tears. But instead of dwelling on the rising tax rate or the marvelously insane tax code, let's try to do something fun with this annual nightmare. Let's imagine where our money is going!

April 15, 2014 | David McCoy | LIFE


The End of a Good Joke

I bet you haven't gone a month in your life without hearing someone ask, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" People love jokes – the cornier the better – and that old poultry joke just keeps popping up. But I think this yuk-yuk might finally be reaching the end of its shelf life.

April 08, 2014 | David McCoy | LIFE


Forget about your perfect world

"What would a perfect world look like?" This seems like such a simple question, doesn't it? We think we know what "perfection" means, but let's play a game just to see how difficult this concept really is. We'll start with a simple test: "Would a perfect world have termites?" My wife used to joke about termites "cranking up their little bulldozers" and starting to work. We laughed about that, but we had no problem spraying the little buggers silly when they invaded a spot in our garage. In my perfect world, I wouldn't have to worry ...

March 25, 2014 | David McCoy | LIFE


Who's feeling naked?

An officer of the law asked if he could share the table where I was chowing down on a mound of North Georgia BBQ. It was a big table, and the joint was packed, so the other diners and I scooted over and let our new guest settle in. "Y'all aren't carrying guns, are ya?" asked the man in uniform. When we assured him we'd left our firearms at home, he said, "I feel naked if I don't have my gun with me." We ate, enjoying our small talk and the best BBQ I've eaten ...

March 18, 2014 | David McCoy | Columnists


Pecan Pie for the Mind

People who work around radioactivity wear those little gadgets called dosimeters to detect if they've been exposed to an unsafe level of radiation. I think it sure would be helpful if we had dosimeters for other uses in our lives. For instance, wouldn't you like to know that you've been exposed to an excessive level of shopping on any given weekend? And what if a dosimeter could warn you when you've ingested a near-lethal dose of AM talk radio? I think we could find about a million uses for these little gadgets. ... or at least enough ...

March 11, 2014 | David McCoy | LIFE


Let's make every day Thanksgiving

You probably know by now: I'm a complete rabble-rouser who can't stand traditions that get in the way of a meaningful life. Today, I'm going to eviscerate the holiday where we're supposed to be "thankful." Yes... I know we just celebrated Valentine's Day, and Thanksgiving isn't until November, but I want us to look at how we're being manipulated by this holiday. We're told to "Be thankful on this special day," but we're bombarded with sales, sports, parades, and all manner of distractions. Do you remember what you were thankful for ...

February 25, 2014 | David McCoy | LIFE


Clogged arteries & slow drivers

If you've ever driven a car, you'll recognize this situation. You're about to pull out onto a busy street where there's no traffic signal. So you sit there, and you wait and wait and wait. Finally, you see an opening that should allow you to pull out safely, and then it happens.

February 18, 2014 | David McCoy | LIFE


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Archive By Author - David McCoy


Time for a cheap watch

Nice watches and I don't get along anymore, and that's just fine with me. No matter how much I'm tempted by their beauty, I'll never again buy an expensive watch. I can't stand to see another "precious timepiece" ruined because of a fried gizmo, jammed cog, or leaky seal. From now on, I'm going to adopt a friend's idea. He goes for "cheap and disposable." My plan - "expensive and disposable" - just wasn't very smart.

September 17, 2010 | David McCoy | Columnists


Cologne by the six pack

I love to smell fine fragrances. Wear chic French perfume around me and I'll sniff the air and try to guess which movie star you're pretending to be. Give me a scratch-and-sniff cologne sample and I'll wear my fingernail down as I scratch up the sweet aroma. But if you apply too much fragrance, I'll turn red and make gagging noises in your direction. I can't help it. I have a sensitive nose, and some people just don't know when to stop spraying, splashing and misting.

September 10, 2010 | David McCoy | Columnists


Murder, mayhem and an old song

Do you ever wonder why children aren't completely insane by the time they're adults?

August 06, 2010 | David McCoy | Columnists


A new game for long summer drives

Do you remember all the games we played on long car trips, back when we were kids? Did you play the alphabet game, where you looked for words on road signs? "A - Atlanta! B - Bathrooms!" Or maybe you played the license plate game. "I see one from Michigan!" Games are great when you're a kid. But, a good car game can make the trip go a lot faster for the adults, too. Well, since we're knee-deep into summer, and many of you are about to drive across the country in kid-infested minivans, I've developed a cool, new ...

July 09, 2010 | David McCoy | OPINION


Not cut out for black leather pants

When I told my wife that I was writing a column about something I'd never own, she gave me that line about never saying never. So, I explained that I was talking about a pair of black leather pants. She stopped eating, looked across the table, and said, "OK. You've got a good point." She remembers my black-leather-pants period, and she knows it's a sore subject. I'm never going to own a pair of black leather pants. Not even for a weekend.

May 07, 2010 | David McCoy | OPINION


The dangers of under-aged shaving

Recently, my youngest son looked at me, rubbed his face and said, "I need to start shaving." I tried not to snicker, but then he's only 11 years old. While he might have a whisker or two hiding on his face, there's no way he's ready for a sharp blade and a handful of foam. Besides, I remember all too well what it was like when I took up shaving at the ancient age of 14. He's way too young for that kind of carnage and blood loss.

April 23, 2010 | David McCoy | OPINION


Certain in my uncertainty

Are you normally a pessimist or an optimist? I say "normally" because I don't know too many optimists right now, what with our current economic, political and social mess. But, think back to when things were normal - like when you were polishing your brand new '57 Chevy. Were you an optimist back then, or were you a pessimist? It's something to think about. Personally, I've concluded that I might be a borderline optimist with just a dash of pessimism. Or, I might be a mild pessimist with heavy traces of optimism. I'm just not sure. I ...

April 16, 2010 | David McCoy | OPINION


The appeal of an inflatable gorilla

During graduate school, I had to take a marketing course - an insipid class that I hated completely and thoroughly. Yet, despite that forced march, I must confess my demented fondness for automotive advertisements. The various dealer ads fascinate me, even if I don't understand how they can possibly lead to increased sales. Maybe if I'd paid more attention in class, I might understand some of the insanity that goes on down at the car lot. I understand the hotdogs and hamburgers, the flags and banners, and the giveaways: that's all easy. But I don't understand why ...

April 02, 2010 | David McCoy | Columnists


How not to repair a garage door

It's a fact: I don't like to pay someone else to do something that I can do better. Well, at least that's the theory. The reality is that I'm cheap, and I hate to let my money go on long trips without me. So, I often repair things that I should never mess with, just to save a few bucks. A classic example of my penny-pinching foolishness dates from about 1986, when I tried to repair my own garage door.

March 12, 2010 | David McCoy | OPINION


Fighting socialism in the depths of winter

It's freezing cold down here in Dixie! Listen, I fully expect the South to be humid and hot, balmy and breezy, and stifling and sticky, but nowhere did I sign up for frigid and frozen. We southerners will tolerate an occasional ice storm or that rare centimeter or two of snow, but weather like we've had for the past few months is nuts. The only solution to this craziness is to learn to control the weather ourselves. We try to control the economy, our destiny, and our kids, why can't we take on the weather? Would it ...

February 12, 2010 | David McCoy | Our Thoughts


Have you ever been to your own funeral

I'm not afraid of dying, but I assure you I'm in no rush to prove that point to anyone. So, you can imagine how I reacted years ago when I visited a nice, grassy cemetery plot I'd just acquired and found a freshly-dug grave, all decked out for a funeral. Earlier that week, I'd accepted the plot as a benefit of church membership and had considered it a rather nice gesture. However, I didn't recall a "use it or lose it" clause in the deal. This particular denomination isn't known for those kinds of ...

January 08, 2010 | David McCoy | Our Thoughts


Pecan Pie for the Mind: The last hair style I'll ever need

I've had only a few hairstyles in my entire 49 years. As a grade-schooler - during the heyday of the hippies - I was saddled with the classic barbershop buzz-cut. Even though I was only in the first grade as the "Summer of Love" commenced, I sensed something violently wrong with my shorn locks. So, I pleaded and begged, and by sixth grade, I had convinced my parents that a few less "inches off the top" and a "groovy" sideburn or two wouldn't corrupt our good family name. By middle school, I was sporting a greasy mop, sideburns (actually, just ...

December 25, 2009 | David McCoy | OPINION


What I would change about the South

Now settle down! I didn't say there was anything wrong with The South; I just have some ideas for a few improvements here and there. Put down that fire place poker, listen up, and see what you think. If you agree with me, we can get a petition going and send it up to the governor's mansion in time for Christmas.

December 18, 2009 | David McCoy | OPINION


Pecan Pie for the Mind: The decline of Southern civilization

Our civilization here in the South is dying on the vine. I'm quite sure of it. Look around and see if you don't agree with my assessment of the sorry state of society. It's just gotten pitiful, and I want some answers: Where are our next quilts coming from, why can't we fix our own cars anymore, and how come our kids can't make a living collecting pop bottles by the side of the road? Tell me how we can ever be the same without these joys of southern life.

We have six or seven ...

November 27, 2009 | David McCoy | OPINION


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