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Articles By Author - David McCoy


We're all fat now

When I was a kid, I was beyond skinny. I was a beanpole, a stick, a rail of a boy who could eat and eat and still be blown over by a strong March wind. Calories weren't my problem. In fact, calories meant one thing to me: "fat people." In my partial view of reality, the only people who talked about calories were "fat people." March forward a few too many decades, and I'm talking about calories, and I'm one of those "fat people." Maybe you are too? We're all fat now, from what I read ...

June 28, 2015 | David McCoy | LIVING


Lower your windows

We live in sealed houses, ride in sealed cars, shop in sealed stores and generally live our lives isolated from the ugly, mean, cruel outdoors. We love our air conditioning, and our air filters, and those little dispensers that spray nice smelling air into our lives, but we might as well be on Mars, ensconced in a terrarium just like some fancy turtle that can do long division. If we claim our lives "are a zoo," is it any wonder? We've built an indoor zoo and we live there year 'round, caged for our own protection.

June 14, 2015 | David McCoy | LIVING


My shampoo doesn't trust me

Okay. I know shampoo isn't a sentient product with a mind of its own, so we can both agree that any statement about it lacking "trust" is just poetic license. Well, I'm fine with that because I've always wanted to be a poet, and I wondered where the licensing bureau was. Now, back to the shampoo. My fancy shampoo has a little electronic tag on it that says it's being "protected." The store that sold it to me most likely put the little tag on it so no one could stick the big bottle of coconut ...

May 31, 2015 | David McCoy | LIVING


Learning the ancient lands

All around are stones. The buildings are mason-crafted from sandstone. Many of the street walks are cobbled in smooth rock. And the land of Edinburgh is itself a mass of stone, a fortress of a city spied upon by the castle at the heights. This is Scotland's capital, and it's been my temporary home for a week after an overnight sleeper train from London. E dinburgh is Scotland, and Scotland has been a mystery all my life, until now. It's not that I have decoded all of Scotland's mysteries; it's just that the land and ...

May 17, 2015 | David McCoy | LIVING


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Archive By Author - David McCoy


The New Grandfather Syndrome

Your parakeet may be the only one who noticed, but I didn't write my column last week. I'd planned to offer some snappy New Year's resolutions, but I procrastinated and the next thing I knew, my first grandson - Daniel Christopher McCoy - was on his way, and I was off to the hospital to meet him. Yep, I'm a grandfather now, and my whole life is changing. I was expecting to be able to handle this title with ease, but being a grandfather is more powerful and transformative than I knew. If you have grandkids, you'll ...

January 08, 2012 | David McCoy | Columnists


The Southern Man’s Genome

Scientists everywhere are decoding the human genome to see what we're made of and how we can make ourselves better. I'm no geneticist, but I know a little bit about southerners, and I'll certify that there is a special part of our DNA that makes us what we really are. We may be talking about just a few genes, but we southerners are programmed in a way that makes our lives much better here in our little part of the world.

December 24, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


Too hot for comfort

We all make mistakes.

December 18, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


Coupon mania

The other day, I met a nice older couple who had about 200 coupons in their possession, and they were using a good portion of them at the checkout counter. I paid for my few purchases, and when I finished, they were still presenting coupons. I was really impressed with their organizational skills and moxie! They had "couponing" down to a fine art, and this made me wonder: What would happen if coupons were used in all walks of life?

December 11, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


I’m the wrong guy for the right lane

I wish I had a cup of coffee for every time someone has advised me to drive in the right-hand lane on the interstate. Actually, that would be too many coffee cups to wash, so I'll settle for a few pounds of coffee beans, and I'll brew it myself. The fact is, I've heard this comment over and over: "Stay right! It's safer!" I'm sure there are safety advantages to consider, and - as my wife reminded me - traffic laws often require you to drive in the right-hand lane. So, I'm not about to offer ...

December 04, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


What Thanksgiving will be like in 2411

Let's peek in on a classroom in the year 2411 where they're studying Ancient Earth History 101. Today's topic is, "The Origin of Thanksgiving."

November 27, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


Falling back in time

My parents just had new windows installed in our old house. The original wooden windows had been weathering and wearing since 1968, and the folks decided against scraping and painting them one last time. I saw the new windows this weekend, as I was visiting my old hometown, and as we admired the craftsmanship, we wound up in my old bedroom where a fancy new sliding unit had been installed. It was about a few seconds after I opened the new window that I realized I was falling through it.

November 20, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


Old movies are the best

I guess I'm just a Luddite, trapped in a world-gone-by, but I prefer old movies to most of the ones coming out now. While there are some really good movies - the Harry Potter series comes to mind - most of the new stuff is just too trashy for me. There's too much cussin', too much sex, and way too much irreverence being shown to the things I care about. But those old movies are different. There's something comforting about watching a movie that celebrates goodness and honesty and doesn't glorify evil. That might seem so old fashioned ...

November 13, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


Three recipes men can make

Gents, we're often accused of being unable to do anything culinary other than burning steaks on a charcoal grill or making peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches. I don't think this reputation is fair, but the ladies may have a point or two in their favor. For instance, I've yet to meet a man who owns a recipe box - one of those wooden dust-gatherers where you keep index cards with step-by-step instructions for making pies, cakes and casseroles. I don't know too many men who wear floral aprons either, but let's stick to the recipe problem. Go out in ...

November 06, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


Please wait to be seated

ife is tricky enough, but sometimes we bump into something that just doesn't make any sense at all.

October 30, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


Careful with that T-shirt!

Sometime not so long ago, I started wearing T-shirts in public again, and that's when all my problems started. When I wore a simple polo-style shirt, I didn't have to worry about what anyone would assume about me. But now, I have to be extra careful because each T-shirt -with its slogan, picture or theme - is just a bad impression waiting to be made. It makes me wish I'd never stopped wearing long-sleeve flannel shirts, rolled up to the elbows. That's how I dressed in the '80s, but I'm trying to forget my clothing choices ...

October 23, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


Living the cartoon life

Like most primitive males my age, I'm a cartoon junkie. My pampered generation was raised on animated images of mice, ducks and rabbits stuffing dynamite down each other's pants and gargling with cyanide-laced cocktails.

October 16, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


McCoy: Prescription for a nightmare

I'm at my desk, looking at all my prescriptions. Here's one I started when my thyroid went on strike; here's one for my cholesterol; and here's one that all newspaper humor columnists are required to take. How did this happen? When I was a kid, I used nothing stronger than half a baby aspirin. When I had my tonsils out, I think I got a whole one. We just weren't a pill-popping family. Now, I'm surrounded by prescription medicines that promise me a longer and healthier life, if I'll just swallow it all ...

October 08, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


Angering one cashier at a time

I have a big problem with the truth. No, it's not what you think. I'm too honest. If you ask me if you "look like a whale" in that new dress, you'd better get back in the tank and swim to the other side. Because, if you do look plump in pink, I'll hem and haw, and I'll comment on your hair, shoes, or nail polish, but if you push me, I'm going to say something about your excess weight. So, it's best to stop as soon as I mention your lovely new ...

October 02, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


McCoy: A bungling burglar

Before we start, let me state that I am not now, nor have I ever been a professional burglar. I don't believe in taking something that doesn't belong to me. Heck, I've even had a tough time retrieving things that do belong to me. But, if I were to suddenly find myself shoehorned into a life of criminal trespass, breaking and entering and general mischief, I'd be arrested on the first day out. While watching cop shows in the 1970s, I learned that burglary takes a certain level of skill with ladders, an expertise with crawling ...

September 24, 2011 | David McCoy | Columnists


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