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Articles By Author - David McCoy


Celebrating the tiniest things

Complaining is a snap! If America were to hold a Complaining Olympics, I'm certain I'd have a shot at gold for most of the indoor events. Complaining is natural and highly contagious, like Ebola, or some of those sniffles the birdies and piggies are trying to give us. So, what do we do about it? Do we keep complaining, or do we start to call out life's joys as a bit of neuro-linguistic programming to change our wicked ways? Let's try that. Let's start celebrating tiny little things that matter to us. I'll go ...

June 19, 2014 | David McCoy | LIFE


How much longer, Alice?

Alice is dead. The housekeeper in the center square of mod sitcom entertainment has passed away at 88, leaving her Brady Bunch without their rudder.

June 07, 2014 | David McCoy | LIFE


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Archive By Author - David McCoy


Please “Teach Your Children Well”

I titled this column after Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young's famous song because it properly reflects the story I'll tell, and because I'm fairly certain I'm not the only one on the planet who has realized the truth about home schooling.

February 02, 2013 | David McCoy | Columnists


McCoy: How to remain manly while sick

Let's be painfully blunt: It's not possible for a man to be sick and remain manly. I'd like to claim that testosterone is the cure-all that keeps guys burly and ferocious through all kinds of challenges, but that hormone bows in defeat before the cold, the flu, or - in my case - bronchitis. I spent much of the new year fighting off a nasty infection, and that's when I learned just how far we men fall when we fall ill. Women can have a liver transplant in the morning and host a dinner party for 20 that ...

January 12, 2013 | David McCoy | Columnists


McCoy: Goodbye Mr. Butternut and 2012

Many of your respected newspaper columnists are offering New Year's resolutions, but notice I said, "respected." That's your first clue that I'm not going in for the tradition resolutions game. Instead, I want to look back on 2012 and review some things that just didn't work for me. I'm resolving nothing about 2013, but I'll remember these mistakes and maybe I won't repeat them. This is a lighter approach to resolutions where I'll make a lot of noise but not actually do anything to solve the real problem. I learned this trick ...

January 03, 2013 | David McCoy | Columnists


A new holiday: Whew Day!

We need a new holiday, not so much for the sake of the greeting card industry, but for our own peace of mind and perspective. We have Thanksgiving, where we give thanks, and we have Christmas where we receive gifts. We need a special holiday combining both themes into one glorious day of giving thanks for gifts never received. Let's call this holiday, "Whew Day" in honor of the comic books of my youth. "Whew" is the sound of air rushing from your body. It's the sound you make when you realize just how close you came to ...

December 29, 2012 | David McCoy | Columnists


Yeah, I’m delighted

Congratulations! If you're reading this, it means you survived the Mayan calendar's alleged prediction of total world destruction. But, if the world has been destroyed, then you're not reading this, and I just wasted a perfectly good "congratulations" on a bunch of cosmic dust. Either way, let's move to today's topic: cloying customer service.

December 22, 2012 | David McCoy | Columnists


Out of my time

Here's some ugly math I wish I hadn't calculated. It's 2012 and I'm 52 years old. If the Mayans and their silly calendars leave us alone, and I live to be 90, I'll have 38 years left. Thirty-eight years seems like a lot of life remaining... until you think about it. Thirty-eight years ago was 1974. Back in that strange year, I turned 14, learned to play the guitar, listened to ABBA and moped around in my polyester pants and tacky ties whenever I had to dress up for church. I was a nobody in ...

December 15, 2012 | David McCoy | Columnists


My little boo boo

I skinned my knee today. I wasn't too smart, stepping out of the shower, realizing my towel was out in the hall, trying to navigate slick floors with wet feet. I moved across the floor and then I went down, slipping and skidding. Ouch! And when I looked at my knee, it was bleeding, and there were little bits of skin - little bits of me - that weren't attached to me anymore. Did I mention, "OUCH!" already? Just checking. I was in pain, and I felt stupid. Only little children skin their knees. Adults get ulcers and hernias; they ...

December 08, 2012 | David McCoy | Columnists


McCoy: The right skills for a crisis

I've been re-reading the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series, and my brain is reeling with spaceships, robots, time travel and towels. But one passage I read is more a real-world warning than it is science fiction. Arthur Dent, the protagonist, is stranded on a remote and primitive planet. Nothing in his training has prepared him for a world that's this simpleminded, and despite his supposed learning and skills, he feels useless. Instead of doing what most useless people do - going into national politics - he opens a sandwich shop. He's a survivor and he's found ...

December 01, 2012 | David McCoy | Columnists


McCoy: Successful aging

You might say "successful aging" means finding another candle on the old birthday cake, but I don't believe success can be defined in such simple terms where quantity equals quality. I think successful aging means something more complex, like coming to grips with your mortality and the small, but important role you play in life. You also have to wise up about your dreams. I abandoned my childhood dream of becoming an astronaut. I also gave up the extremely unrealistic dream of owning a vintage Italian car that didn't leak oil and make me swear. Does that mean ...

November 25, 2012 | David McCoy | Columnists


McCoy: The last unspoiled holiday

Thanksgiving is one of the last unspoiled holidays we have - a holiday that's still celebrated roughly the same way it's always been celebrated. Sure, there's always the unwavering Arbor Day, but when was the last time your boss gave you a day off to have a fancy dinner party with a bunch of trees? No, Thanksgiving is one of our last major holidays that would still be recognized by the originators. Do you think Joseph and Mary would recognize a modern Christmas? "Mary, who's the fat guy in the red suit? And were there any flying ...

November 20, 2012 | David McCoy | Columnists


Dreams of lost loves

Maybe it's an ailment only men will understand, but let it be known that I suffer from recurring dreams about my old cars. It'll be three in the morning, and I'll be enjoying a nice snooze under a warm blanket when my subconscious will grab its little photo album of all our old cars. "Oh, look! There's that tiny MG you had! And here's that ancient Mercedes. Remember that one?" And I will remember each and every one of those cars, and the memories will become solid again, and I'll drive around Dreamland in ...

November 10, 2012 | David McCoy | Columnists


McCoy: My long lost quarter

Numbers don't mean what they once did, do they? When I was a child, a quarter was real money, a dollar was manna from heaven, and a 20 meant you'd just celebrated a birthday. We kept our 10s and 20s in a bank that called itself the "Home of the Thousandaires." Becoming a thousandaire was a realistic goal when your deposit slip was nothing special. I'm sure a few of the people I knew dreamed of becoming millionaires, but the only millionaires I knew were the Clampetts who lived in a mansion in Beverly Hills. For me ...

November 03, 2012 | David McCoy | Columnists


McCoy: World’s Greatest Dad

I guess celebrities are everywhere, but I was really shocked to learn that the World's Greatest Dad lives in our town! What are the odds of that happening? By definition, there can only be one "World's Greatest Dad," and he lives right here, not over in a Tibetan hut or Australian wilderness protecting his kids from wild dingoes and snakes. I haven't met the guy, but I know he lives here because I've seen World's Greatest Dad shirts, pens and coffee cups for sale in the local stores.

October 25, 2012 | David McCoy | Columnists


McCoy: The trouble with machines

As a kid, I was a sucker for machines. I couldn't pass a gumball rack without turning all the handles; I took apart my toys just to get at the electric motors; and I was simply mad for anything with batteries, gears or knobs.

I would have given away all my Superman comic books for a robot, even if it was missing a dozen transistors. Well, times have changed, and now I'm surrounded by more machines than I ever wanted. And I'd give them all away, if I could.

October 06, 2012 | David McCoy | Columnists


A jaded guide to the 2012 presidential election

To cope with the insanity of modern U.S. presidential elections, I've adopted a jaded strategy that I'll share with you. My opinion is harsh, but I'm calling it as I see it.

September 29, 2012 | David McCoy | Columnists


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