McCoy: Carpenter bees don't seek permits

Have you ever encountered incompetent handymen? Maybe you wanted a few damaged roof shingles repaired, and instead, your hired hands installed new toilet seats in your bathrooms because they were too afraid to scale the roof.

McCoy: Where am I? Brain is not playing fair

Where am I? Brain isn't playing fair

Last week, while out of town and staying in a hotel, I had a most exasperating experience.

McCoy: Men, watch your step at weddings

If you're a man who's been invited to a wedding, you need to heed my advice so you know what to do at these alien affairs.

Clip-on tie is the devil’s work

As a kid, I hated Sunday mornings with a passion I now reserve only for unimaginable evils such as genocide and raw onions. Sunday - "the day of rest" - was far from restful for me, and I blame it on a weekly ritual, "dressing up for Sunday school."

McCoy: Sweet memories of kindergarten

Let your mind wander back to kindergarten, and think about those simpler times and all the fun you had. It doesn't matter where you come from; you have to admit that kindergarten was fun. You played with toys, sang songs, colored pictures of fire trucks, and learned radically new concepts like sharing and the letter Q.

A fat boy and his pies

There's an interesting picture hanging in the bathroom of a particular shop here in town.

Spring fever mind games

I wish the weather would stop playing games with us here in the South. It wasn't more than a few weeks ago that I slipped into a pair of short pants for puttering around the house.

McCoy: The joys of a garden

Spring is here, and after we sailed past Good Friday and the risk of frost, it is now planting time! I've bought seeds and pots and I'm ready to plant something.

What Thanksgiving will be like in 2411

Let's peek in on a classroom in the year 2411 where they're studying Ancient Earth History 101. Today's topic is, "The Origin of Thanksgiving."

Falling back in time

My parents just had new windows installed in our old house. The original wooden windows had been weathering and wearing since 1968, and the folks decided against scraping and painting them one last time. I saw the new windows this weekend, as I was visiting my old hometown, and as we admired the craftsmanship, we wound up in my old bedroom where a fancy new sliding unit had been installed. It was about a few seconds after I opened the new window that I realized I was falling through it.

Old movies are the best

I guess I'm just a Luddite, trapped in a world-gone-by, but I prefer old movies to most of the ones coming out now. While there are some really good movies - the Harry Potter series comes to mind - most of the new stuff is just too trashy for me. There's too much cussin', too much sex, and way too much irreverence being shown to the things I care about. But those old movies are ...

Three recipes men can make

Gents, we're often accused of being unable to do anything culinary other than burning steaks on a charcoal grill or making peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches. I don't think this reputation is fair, but the ladies may have a point or two in their favor. For instance, I've yet to meet a man who owns a recipe box - one of those wooden dust-gatherers where you keep index cards with step-by-step instructions for making pies, cakes and casseroles. ...

Please wait to be seated

ife is tricky enough, but sometimes we bump into something that just doesn't make any sense at all.

Careful with that T-shirt!

Sometime not so long ago, I started wearing T-shirts in public again, and that's when all my problems started. When I wore a simple polo-style shirt, I didn't have to worry about what anyone would assume about me. But now, I have to be extra careful because each T-shirt -with its slogan, picture or theme - is just a bad impression waiting to be made. It makes me wish I'd never stopped wearing long-sleeve flannel ...

Living the cartoon life

Like most primitive males my age, I'm a cartoon junkie. My pampered generation was raised on animated images of mice, ducks and rabbits stuffing dynamite down each other's pants and gargling with cyanide-laced cocktails.

McCoy: Prescription for a nightmare

I'm at my desk, looking at all my prescriptions. Here's one I started when my thyroid went on strike; here's one for my cholesterol; and here's one that all newspaper humor columnists are required to take. How did this happen? When I was a kid, I used nothing stronger than half a baby aspirin. When I had my tonsils out, I think I got a whole one. We just weren't a pill-popping family. Now, I'm ...

Angering one cashier at a time

I have a big problem with the truth. No, it's not what you think. I'm too honest. If you ask me if you "look like a whale" in that new dress, you'd better get back in the tank and swim to the other side. Because, if you do look plump in pink, I'll hem and haw, and I'll comment on your hair, shoes, or nail polish, but if you push me, I'm going to say ...

McCoy: A bungling burglar

Before we start, let me state that I am not now, nor have I ever been a professional burglar. I don't believe in taking something that doesn't belong to me. Heck, I've even had a tough time retrieving things that do belong to me. But, if I were to suddenly find myself shoehorned into a life of criminal trespass, breaking and entering and general mischief, I'd be arrested on the first day out. While watching ...

My secret life as a cashier

Grocery shopping has become a frustrating experience. It's not that it's hard to find wonderful items to buy, not with all the great choices in the stores. I'm a smart shopper. I buy fruits, and juices, and healthy veggies; I'm an angel in the meat department, just looking at the ribeye steaks and not poking them too much; and I'm especially careful to close my eyes in the candy and cookie aisle. My problem isn't ...

McCoy: David’s etiquette advice

Etiquette is a hard word to spell. It's French, and I'm pretty lousy with their language, even though I love their cheese, and I almost bought a new Peugeot back in 1987, right before they pulled out of the US car market. That was close. Anyway, I've reviewed a few etiquette columns, and I think I'll try my hand at one. A guy's perspective is just what we need to balance all those dainty responses I've read. Here goes.

Who is smarter?

I never watched his TV show, "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader," but I've always liked Jeff Foxworthy, especially since he's a Georgia Tech man. We Tech guys think we're pretty smart, but tonight I wasn't so sure how I'd stack up against one of those 5th graders. You see, I was driving home, and I drove right past my house. I suppose -on one hand - I'm smarter than a 5th grader, because ...

The unfair truth about panty hose

It takes a lot of guts or a lot of stupidity to bring up the topic of women's panty hose; but I'm going to do it anyway and address a simple wardrobe question to the ladies. "Women, how do you feel after you buy a brand new pair of panty hose and get a ruinous run in them before they're even a day old?" Has that happened to you, before? I hear that's a common ...

Science Fiction has it all wrong

I love science fiction, but I've noticed the genre often misses some obvious elements of the future. The authors write about space ships, ray guns, teleportation and aliens, but they seem to blow it when it comes to three common themes: tailoring, trash and tattoos.