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Articles By Author - David McCoy


Tax time follies

By the time you read this, our annual day of taxation will have come and gone, and you'll have already kissed your money bye-bye as you mailed the government your "fair share" of sweat and tears. But instead of dwelling on the rising tax rate or the marvelously insane tax code, let's try to do something fun with this annual nightmare. Let's imagine where our money is going!

April 15, 2014 | David McCoy | LIFE


The End of a Good Joke

I bet you haven't gone a month in your life without hearing someone ask, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" People love jokes – the cornier the better – and that old poultry joke just keeps popping up. But I think this yuk-yuk might finally be reaching the end of its shelf life.

April 08, 2014 | David McCoy | LIFE


Forget about your perfect world

"What would a perfect world look like?" This seems like such a simple question, doesn't it? We think we know what "perfection" means, but let's play a game just to see how difficult this concept really is. We'll start with a simple test: "Would a perfect world have termites?" My wife used to joke about termites "cranking up their little bulldozers" and starting to work. We laughed about that, but we had no problem spraying the little buggers silly when they invaded a spot in our garage. In my perfect world, I wouldn't have to worry ...

March 25, 2014 | David McCoy | LIFE


Who's feeling naked?

An officer of the law asked if he could share the table where I was chowing down on a mound of North Georgia BBQ. It was a big table, and the joint was packed, so the other diners and I scooted over and let our new guest settle in. "Y'all aren't carrying guns, are ya?" asked the man in uniform. When we assured him we'd left our firearms at home, he said, "I feel naked if I don't have my gun with me." We ate, enjoying our small talk and the best BBQ I've eaten ...

March 18, 2014 | David McCoy | Columnists


Pecan Pie for the Mind

People who work around radioactivity wear those little gadgets called dosimeters to detect if they've been exposed to an unsafe level of radiation. I think it sure would be helpful if we had dosimeters for other uses in our lives. For instance, wouldn't you like to know that you've been exposed to an excessive level of shopping on any given weekend? And what if a dosimeter could warn you when you've ingested a near-lethal dose of AM talk radio? I think we could find about a million uses for these little gadgets. ... or at least enough ...

March 11, 2014 | David McCoy | LIFE


Let's make every day Thanksgiving

You probably know by now: I'm a complete rabble-rouser who can't stand traditions that get in the way of a meaningful life. Today, I'm going to eviscerate the holiday where we're supposed to be "thankful." Yes... I know we just celebrated Valentine's Day, and Thanksgiving isn't until November, but I want us to look at how we're being manipulated by this holiday. We're told to "Be thankful on this special day," but we're bombarded with sales, sports, parades, and all manner of distractions. Do you remember what you were thankful for ...

February 25, 2014 | David McCoy | LIFE


Clogged arteries & slow drivers

If you've ever driven a car, you'll recognize this situation. You're about to pull out onto a busy street where there's no traffic signal. So you sit there, and you wait and wait and wait. Finally, you see an opening that should allow you to pull out safely, and then it happens.

February 18, 2014 | David McCoy | LIFE


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Archive By Author - David McCoy


Spring fever mind games

I wish the weather would stop playing games with us here in the South. It wasn't more than a few weeks ago that I slipped into a pair of short pants for puttering around the house.

April 13, 2013 | David McCoy | Columnists


McCoy: The joys of a garden

Spring is here, and after we sailed past Good Friday and the risk of frost, it is now planting time! I've bought seeds and pots and I'm ready to plant something.

March 30, 2013 | David McCoy | Columnists


McCoy: Have a great mid-life crisis

I decided to let my remaining hair grow a lot longer than it normally does, and someone suggested I "must be in a mid-life crisis." Well, yeah! I've been in a mid-life crisis for at least 12 years now, and I have no intention of ending it anytime soon.

March 23, 2013 | David McCoy | Columnists


McCoy: How not to hold a baby

Gentlemen...you need to go to baby-holding school. You know how you get when you're around newborns. When the parents come by with their little bundles, you lay your arms by your sides and say, "Let someone else hold it ... first." Yes, you actually say "it." And what's this "first" business? You know you have no intention of being number two or number 20. You don't ever plan to hold that baby. Women hold tiny babies all the time, but we men act like those little creatures are sticks of dynamite wrapped in radioactive poison ivy. Well ...

February 23, 2013 | David McCoy | Columnists


Visiting the ‘ladies’ room’

It happened again today. Something was wrong with the gents' toilet and I wanted to wash my hands. What to do? What to do? Yep. I did it. I washed my paws in the room marked "Ladies." The door was wide open, no one was in there and the sink was calling my name: "David ... David ... come wash up in here." If you've ever heard a sink calling your name, you'd best just give in and not argue. It's bad enough to admit that sinks talk to you, but once you're seen arguing with porcelain fixtures ...

February 16, 2013 | David McCoy | Columnists


Please “Teach Your Children Well”

I titled this column after Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young's famous song because it properly reflects the story I'll tell, and because I'm fairly certain I'm not the only one on the planet who has realized the truth about home schooling.

February 02, 2013 | David McCoy | Columnists


McCoy: How to remain manly while sick

Let's be painfully blunt: It's not possible for a man to be sick and remain manly. I'd like to claim that testosterone is the cure-all that keeps guys burly and ferocious through all kinds of challenges, but that hormone bows in defeat before the cold, the flu, or - in my case - bronchitis. I spent much of the new year fighting off a nasty infection, and that's when I learned just how far we men fall when we fall ill. Women can have a liver transplant in the morning and host a dinner party for 20 that ...

January 12, 2013 | David McCoy | Columnists


McCoy: Goodbye Mr. Butternut and 2012

Many of your respected newspaper columnists are offering New Year's resolutions, but notice I said, "respected." That's your first clue that I'm not going in for the tradition resolutions game. Instead, I want to look back on 2012 and review some things that just didn't work for me. I'm resolving nothing about 2013, but I'll remember these mistakes and maybe I won't repeat them. This is a lighter approach to resolutions where I'll make a lot of noise but not actually do anything to solve the real problem. I learned this trick ...

January 03, 2013 | David McCoy | Columnists


A new holiday: Whew Day!

We need a new holiday, not so much for the sake of the greeting card industry, but for our own peace of mind and perspective. We have Thanksgiving, where we give thanks, and we have Christmas where we receive gifts. We need a special holiday combining both themes into one glorious day of giving thanks for gifts never received. Let's call this holiday, "Whew Day" in honor of the comic books of my youth. "Whew" is the sound of air rushing from your body. It's the sound you make when you realize just how close you came to ...

December 29, 2012 | David McCoy | Columnists


Yeah, I’m delighted

Congratulations! If you're reading this, it means you survived the Mayan calendar's alleged prediction of total world destruction. But, if the world has been destroyed, then you're not reading this, and I just wasted a perfectly good "congratulations" on a bunch of cosmic dust. Either way, let's move to today's topic: cloying customer service.

December 22, 2012 | David McCoy | Columnists


Out of my time

Here's some ugly math I wish I hadn't calculated. It's 2012 and I'm 52 years old. If the Mayans and their silly calendars leave us alone, and I live to be 90, I'll have 38 years left. Thirty-eight years seems like a lot of life remaining... until you think about it. Thirty-eight years ago was 1974. Back in that strange year, I turned 14, learned to play the guitar, listened to ABBA and moped around in my polyester pants and tacky ties whenever I had to dress up for church. I was a nobody in ...

December 15, 2012 | David McCoy | Columnists


My little boo boo

I skinned my knee today. I wasn't too smart, stepping out of the shower, realizing my towel was out in the hall, trying to navigate slick floors with wet feet. I moved across the floor and then I went down, slipping and skidding. Ouch! And when I looked at my knee, it was bleeding, and there were little bits of skin - little bits of me - that weren't attached to me anymore. Did I mention, "OUCH!" already? Just checking. I was in pain, and I felt stupid. Only little children skin their knees. Adults get ulcers and hernias; they ...

December 08, 2012 | David McCoy | Columnists


McCoy: The right skills for a crisis

I've been re-reading the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series, and my brain is reeling with spaceships, robots, time travel and towels. But one passage I read is more a real-world warning than it is science fiction. Arthur Dent, the protagonist, is stranded on a remote and primitive planet. Nothing in his training has prepared him for a world that's this simpleminded, and despite his supposed learning and skills, he feels useless. Instead of doing what most useless people do - going into national politics - he opens a sandwich shop. He's a survivor and he's found ...

December 01, 2012 | David McCoy | Columnists


McCoy: Successful aging

You might say "successful aging" means finding another candle on the old birthday cake, but I don't believe success can be defined in such simple terms where quantity equals quality. I think successful aging means something more complex, like coming to grips with your mortality and the small, but important role you play in life. You also have to wise up about your dreams. I abandoned my childhood dream of becoming an astronaut. I also gave up the extremely unrealistic dream of owning a vintage Italian car that didn't leak oil and make me swear. Does that mean ...

November 25, 2012 | David McCoy | Columnists


McCoy: The last unspoiled holiday

Thanksgiving is one of the last unspoiled holidays we have - a holiday that's still celebrated roughly the same way it's always been celebrated. Sure, there's always the unwavering Arbor Day, but when was the last time your boss gave you a day off to have a fancy dinner party with a bunch of trees? No, Thanksgiving is one of our last major holidays that would still be recognized by the originators. Do you think Joseph and Mary would recognize a modern Christmas? "Mary, who's the fat guy in the red suit? And were there any flying ...

November 20, 2012 | David McCoy | Columnists


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