McCoy: Where am I? Brain is not playing fair

Where am I? Brain isn't playing fair

Last week, while out of town and staying in a hotel, I had a most exasperating experience.

McCoy: Men, watch your step at weddings

If you're a man who's been invited to a wedding, you need to heed my advice so you know what to do at these alien affairs.

Clip-on tie is the devil’s work

As a kid, I hated Sunday mornings with a passion I now reserve only for unimaginable evils such as genocide and raw onions. Sunday - "the day of rest" - was far from restful for me, and I blame it on a weekly ritual, "dressing up for Sunday school."

McCoy: Sweet memories of kindergarten

Let your mind wander back to kindergarten, and think about those simpler times and all the fun you had. It doesn't matter where you come from; you have to admit that kindergarten was fun. You played with toys, sang songs, colored pictures of fire trucks, and learned radically new concepts like sharing and the letter Q.

A fat boy and his pies

There's an interesting picture hanging in the bathroom of a particular shop here in town.

Spring fever mind games

I wish the weather would stop playing games with us here in the South. It wasn't more than a few weeks ago that I slipped into a pair of short pants for puttering around the house.

McCoy: The joys of a garden

Spring is here, and after we sailed past Good Friday and the risk of frost, it is now planting time! I've bought seeds and pots and I'm ready to plant something.

McCoy: World’s Greatest Dad

I guess celebrities are everywhere, but I was really shocked to learn that the World's Greatest Dad lives in our town! What are the odds of that happening? By definition, there can only be one "World's Greatest Dad," and he lives right here, not over in a Tibetan hut or Australian wilderness protecting his kids from wild dingoes and snakes. I haven't met the guy, but I know he lives here because I've seen World's Greatest Dad shirts, pens and coffee cups for sale in the local stores.

McCoy: The trouble with machines

As a kid, I was a sucker for machines. I couldn't pass a gumball rack without turning all the handles; I took apart my toys just to get at the electric motors; and I was simply mad for anything with batteries, gears or knobs. I would have given away all my Superman comic books for a robot, even if it was missing a dozen transistors. Well, times have changed, and now I'm surrounded by more machines than I ever wanted. And I'd give them all away, if I could.

A jaded guide to the 2012 presidential election

To cope with the insanity of modern U.S. presidential elections, I've adopted a jaded strategy that I'll share with you. My opinion is harsh, but I'm calling it as I see it.

Are you a nutty collector?

Do you collect things? For reasons known only to God and Alan Greenspan, we humans are the only species that collects things just for fun. Penguins don't knowingly collect sports memorabilia; turtles don't collect stamps; and I've yet to meet a dog who owned any artwork - not even an acrylic-on-velvet painting of a fire hydrant. Animals collect berries, nuts, twigs and other practical things, and except for the pack rat, random collecting is a ...

How to argue with an adult

Hey, kids! Last week I wrote about the art of arguing, but I used some Latin terms and talked about the decline of society, so you probably assumed it was "old people advice." Well, it was. How about if I use this column just for you? How would you like a few tricks to use when arguing with adults?

The rules of a good argument

It's a fact: If you have an opinion, you can be sure someone will have an argument to match it. And a good argument is nothing to be afraid of. A good argument is a logical analysis of differing opinions. It's called a debate.

On patrol with the color coordination police

We all have embarrassing social flaws, don't we? Well, maybe you don't have any, but I'm loaded with them. I'm cursed with an inability to dance; I don't enjoy professional sports; I have no interest in going to Vegas to gamble away my paycheck; and I'm a total bore at political fundraisers. The list could go on and on, but I want to complain a bit about the one social flaw that seems to bite ...

McCoy: What did you really learn in high school?

I was in Athens on Sunday, dining at one of my favorite places and mulling over a cup of coffee and my little slice of life, when I saw something that intrigued me. I watched my waitress stand on a stool and erase a big chalkboard they use for a menu. As she wrote up the new entree item - a tasty sounding omelette - I thought: "I wonder if she ever imagined she'd have ...

The saintly and people like me

It's hard enough having one columnist in the house, but imagine the situation over here in McCoy-land. I'm in my fourth year with my humor column - Pecan Pie for the Mind - and my wife - Jan McCoy - is on her second year with her religion column. Our kids duck and cover when they see us, for fear of becoming next week's humorous anecdote or sermon topic. And consider the residents of Covington, ...

McCoy: Life before the mirror

I hate mirrors. There's one in each of our bathrooms, and there's a mirror in the hall, and there's supposed to be one in our bedroom, but I haven't put it up since we moved in last year. Why would I want another mirror? The ones I already have hate me as much as I hate them. It's like they are all saying, "Hey, David...look over here!" and when I do, I see an old ...

Have boat? Will borrow

Today was wonderful. I've just returned from a feast at the Blue Willow Inn, out in Social Circle, where I had the Charleston Room at my disposal. I enjoyed sweet tea, roast beef, and two helpings of my favorite dessert, banana pudding. This has been a perfect day, but then everyone knows Memorial Day is always the start of warm weather fun. The grills come out; the convertible tops go down; and boat owners everywhere ...

My nickname nightmares

You might recall that I'm a grandfather now. Yes. Yes. It's been a blessing, and I'd joyously dance in the streets except I'm a lousy dancer and people drive way too fast around here. So let's just pretend I'm doing a little dance of joy. And I'm joyous because grandchildren are cute, cuddly, soft and sweet. And I'm joyous because all the old cliches about being a grandparent are true. We will spoil them. We ...

McCoy: The true meaning of Christmas

This should be a hoot: writing about Christmas in the middle of May. Well, I want to make a strident little point, and I can't wait until we have snow on the ground and elves in the supermarkets to do it. Every Christmas day, Christians all around America say the same thing. They put down their unwrapped trinkets and turn to someone near and dear to them, and say, "You know... the real meaning of ...

McCoy: Welcoming our new Minister of Electricity

I'm pleased to report that our household has a new Minister of Electricity! Yes, you read that correctly. Our youngest son is the new Minister of Electricity for the McCoy family. You see - we're just like one of those third-world dictatorships. We have ministerial positions in the household, and we grant them exclusively to our family members. Except for the military uniforms, mirrored sunglasses, and overbearing Mercedes limos, we're no different from any other ...

McCoy: Strolling on the toll walk

I hate toll roads. It's probably because I was born in Miami, and I remember my parents feeding the toll booths with nickels that I could have used to far better ends.