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Posted: February 25, 2012 8:27 p.m.

McCoy: The $250 Bath

Have you ever spent $250 to take a bath? I know that's a strange question, considering most of you get free baths, except when you have to buy a new bottle of body wash or one of those scrubby sponges that you like to use on your shoulder. Why would anyone ever spend 250 clams to soap up, shampoo and wash in a traditional bath or shower? It's just not logical, is it? Well, what if I told you I took three baths during one week in 2009, and that they cost about 250 bucks each? It's true and it's all because I hate exercise with a passion.

Exercise? $250 baths? OK, let me explain. Like so many naive optimists before me, I joined a health club. For around 40 dollars a month, I had access to all the machines and gadgets I'd ever need to lose weight, tone muscles, and stretch parts of my body that hadn't been stretched since Mr. Satterwhite tried to get me to do 300 sit-ups in the dead of winter.

I exercised at my new health club for about a week, and then I stopped going. But, my payments didn't stop. Get the picture? Now fast forward to a cold day in 2009, when I hadn't been to the health club for a good 18 months and the hot water in our house went on the fritz. Why is it that the hot water always goes on the fritz when it's freezing outside? I tried to shower with cold water, but didn't like the shade of blue I was turning. So, I had a revelation. "Hey! That fancy health club has showers! I can exercise, and then bathe there!" So, that's what I did for three days in a row, and it was wonderful. I was healthy and I was clean. And then - when the hot water problem was fixed - I never went back to the club again. I've done the math and those three baths cost about $250 each. $250 down the drain, so to speak.

When I finally canceled my membership, the club wanted to know why. Listen guys - it wasn't anything personal. It's just that I can wash up much more economically at home, and I have a really nice little scrubby sponge. You would think you could have provided one for club members, considering the price you charge for a bath.

David McCoy, a self-proclaimed Southern Gentleman and Raconteur-in-Training, lives in Covington with his family.

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